Seeing the Evil in Others

I try to give people a chance.  But I sour when I see too many "Christians" who put on such righteous acts and then see them act worse than the "heathens".  I wonder why God doesn't go ahead and destroy the world again as He sees what His church is doing to it.

Okay, I'm on my religious soap box again, but I'm see so much of it lately, that I'm disgusted.  There is a man I know that puts on such airs about how religious He is.  He goes on and on about the charity he does and how much he gives in church and what he does for people.  He brags on how frugal and good he is with all that God has given him.  I gag.

I have seen this man with venom in his eyes.  I have heard the hate come out of his mouth.  I have seen the maliciousness that he acts upon.  I have caught him in his lies.  Yet, those in the local church community believe everything he says.

I go between anger and sadness.  How can someone claim the blood of  Jesus and commit the very acts he does?  I guess the same person that was forgiven a debt in one of Jesus' parables and yet refused to forgive a debt he was owed.  I watch this man go on and on how people need to pay for their actions while he never has.

I am watching an old movie as I write this.  It is about some of the fanatics in England centuries ago when everyone began pointing fingers at "witches" and "heretics".  In reality they were masking their own evil as they murdered, raped, and lied.  This man I know reminds me so much of them.

I'm not trying to be mean, but when he lies he does murder a person's reputation.  This led me into a preaching session about how we are not held up to the standard we are supposed to be anymore.  In the Old Testament the Lord demanded that a plum line be laid down and Israel compared to it.  They usually did not measure up due to their sinning.

What if we were put up against a plum line?  Would we measure up?  Looking at those around me, I would have to say no.  We would horribly fall short.  We tend to refuse those with a past to be a part of our fellowship.  We gossip incessantly.  We will tell lies to protect ourselves.  We will turn a blind eye to injustice if it will protect us.  We rarely hold to the true teachings.

Where is our self-control?  Where is our gentleness?  Where is our love?  Where is our patience?  Where are the fruits of the Spirit?  We dismiss our shortcomings and point our fingers at everyone else's.

I guess you could say that this is a plea to today's church to please stop trying to "feel good" and get right with God.  Are we satisfied with being like Ananias and Sapphira?  Are we content to be whitewashed like the Pharisees?  Are we stiff-necked?  Are we the brood of vipers?  What would we see if we looked in the mirror of God? 

We've All Got a Story To Tell

I remember as a child listening to adults give their testimonies and stories that were inspiring and meant to reach out to me and teach me a lesson.  I always felt guilty because I did not have one.  But I grew up and learned that every person who walks this earth has a story to tell.

I can tell you a story of times when logically things should have gone one way and instead went another.  If everything had gone the logical way, I might not be here today.  Everyone has a story to tell.

Today is one about a young boy that I absolutely despised because he was as mean as they get.  For years I endured his evilness each week at church.  He would walk by and jab a pencil in my arm just for spite.  No one liked him.  They were polite because his mother was so sweet and his father was high up in the political circles.

It was the summer before our freshmen year at high school and I learned the most horrific thing imaginable.  We would be going to the same school for high school.  It was bad enough in middle school, but high school?  I knew then that God had it in for me.  In reality, God was preparing a very bitter pill for me to take that would change me forever.

He was his usual pain in the rear-end self.  One day my mom told me that his mother had passed away.  She had been battling cancer for a long time.  I was sad for the whole family.  Then she told me that I needed to send a sympathy card.  Okay.  I'll send one to his dad.  Nope.  I was to send one to him.  Boy, did we have a fight.  I was not going to send a card to that evil boy.  In the end, I did what I was forced to do.

He was out of school a few days naturally.  On the day he returned, I was sitting in my usual spot on the front steps reading or doing some homework.  He pulled up in his father's car.  His dad waved at me.  I waved back and didn't think much of it until the boy began to walk very purposefully toward me.

He sat down.  I didn't know what to say.  I was just waiting on something negative to come out of his mouth.  He was quite for a long time.

"We got thousands of cards," he said.  "But only four were addressed to me."  He looked me right in the eye and for the first time smiled at me.  "Thank you."

From that day on we became friends.  He was still a jerk a lot of the time, but I let him know that he was wrong.  We became study partners in biology and world history.  He let me use his laptop which were extremely new at the time.  We stayed good friends all through high school.

I don't know where he is now, but I think of him differently than I did when I was younger.  I learned that his meanness was because he did not know how to act seeing his own mother die before his very eyes.  He watched cancer eat at her and destroy her.  He lashed out the only way he knew. 

I learned not to judge people too harshly until you get to know them.  We are complex creatures and cannot be made into a two dimensional black and white entity.  We are unique and wonderfully made.  We just need to dig deeper to see that in some people.

People Change

I was under the foolish assumption that people never change.  I knew that wasn't true, but I really didn't accept it.  I didn't realize that until I got in touch with old friends and acquaintances.  That is when I truly understood that people change.

In my mind the last memory I had of a person was the true picture.  I had forgotten that like all teenagers and young foolish adults we all have to grow up and learn.  Here are a few examples.

One girl that I went to school with used to make snide comments about me always going to church.  As we went through middle school and high school she was not directly mean to me, but was never really friendly.  I discovered her on facebook and I've been watching her posts.  She is a Christian and attends church regularly.  It is not uncommon for her to post an encouraging word to me.  I was hesitant about accepting her facebook friend request.  My thoughts were only of the hurt from her attitude.  I'm glad I did.  She has been so sweet.  My memories of old are fading.

That is the way it is with many of the people from my past.  Others have grown up just like I have.  They have changed.  So have I.  Their immature actions have hopefully disappeared.  They are adults in their forties. 

I've learned to not judge people on their past.  It is just the past and the present is a whole new chapter.

Still Growing Up

I'm finding that I'm still growing up.  I have so much to learn.  I'm learning about myself, my family, and the others in my life.  I'm finding that I'm just beginning to discover my dreams.

Growing up in lower Alabama I decided to become an accountant.  Why?  Because I could do the work and it was good money.  Nowhere did my dreams or desires come into play.  From an early age I loved history and learning.  It wasn't until I was put into a position of teaching a Bible study did I fully discover my love to teach.

I felt so fulfilled when I was communicating truths to others and getting them to engage in lively discussion.  Yet, I was still in a job that was dragging me down with all the stress that came with it.  I eventually changed jobs but stayed in accounting.  It only got better for a spell.  I wanted to just teach yet I had to make money for the family.  I continued in the job I had. 

Depression set in as I desired to teach full-time and was stuck helping other people line their pockets.  This was real frustrating.  When we moved to northern Wisconsin I still kept my job and just traveled a lot.  It got worse. 

I eventually began working part time for a friend who unknowingly got me to writing.  I found another passion deep within me that was never tapped in school.  Through my writing I could teach.  I could communicate to others and have fun doing it.  I began to throw myself into my writing.  Yet the desire to teach continued.

It wasn't long before the need to homeschool my children arose.  I found so much fun in teaching them though my teaching is much better for adults.  I lost my job due to the economy.  Everywhere I looked accounting was forcing itself in my face.  I wanted to cry.  Yes, I could do it and do it well, but I hated it. 

I had a dream and it seemed that the world was out to destroy it.  I am by nature a shy person.  Most people are able to walk all over me which is one of the reasons I am struggling with co-dependency.  So, when it comes to following dreams I have to fight for them.  I fight with myself, family, and the world to be able to see even a glimmer of my dreams.  Why?  Because the save road is to stay in accounting.

There are plenty of jobs in accounting.  Writing is a gamble.  It is like being a movie star or rock star.  It is not a "sensible" way to earn a living.  That usually comes from people who never got to achieve their own dreams either.

I am not guaranteed tomorrow.  Today maybe my last day on earth.  What good does it benefit me to let my dreams be directed by others?  If I try writing and fail what did I lose?  Nothing.  In failing I gain a lot.  I gain a little freedom in doing something on my own.  I gain a few moments of following my dream.  If I am successful, I gain self-confidence and of course my dream.

I'm learning that I can stand on my own two feet and make my own decisions.  I do not have to follow the safe route just because others direct me to.  God does not give us dreams only to deny them to us.  He just asks that we do it in His time.

I want to write.  I will stay up all night long to get it done.  I want to go back to school.  I am realistic enough to know that it won't happen this year, but next year there is a chance.  I want to teach.  I am going to look for every available opportunity and I'm going to teach.

The world is not going to force me into a mold and tie me down.  Those around me are not going to keep me in their depression and sense of failure.  I am me!  I am not them!  I am a child of God called to a duty and I will follow!  My dreams are given to me by God and He will make a way.  I need to be willing to go through the door.  Lord, here am I.  Send me!