Kids Have to Find Their Own Way

Parents want so much to point their children down the right paths and watch them take it. If they would, so much pain could be avoided. Honestly, did you follow that same path your parents tried to direct you? No! You tried to find your own path. In the end, you found the joy and the pain that came with it.

What do parents know? Nothing. That is until you get older and realize that they knew a thing or two. And yet there are many things a parent might think they know and discover that they know nothing.

What do we know of our children's future? We like to think we know it well, but we have no idea what their future holds. We only know what we have faced and the lessons we learned. That's all we have to go on. That doesn't mean that they will face the same situations. More than likely they will face new adventures that we will know nothing about. That's when we realize that our children have to find their own way.

By the time your children are teenagers, you can only pray that you have directed them correctly so far. They have to make their own decisions more than ever before. You have to trust that they will make the right decisions. Will they always? No. And that's the painful part as a parent we face knowing that they will mess up and all we can do is watch.

Many of us don't just sit and watch. We jump right in and yank them back on the right path. The result? Rebellion, resentment, and a larger gap in our relationship with our children. They don't want to be told what to do. They want to forge ahead. We see the dangers and the risks. They only see the rewards. Who's right? Both? Neither? Yes to both questions.

We see the dangers and there's nothing wrong in warning them. They see what good could come out of it and there's nothing wrong in striving for it. It's the happy median that should be found that neither party wants. The parent should give a word of advice without pushing or forcing. The child should listen with respect and decide whether to follow that advice as they go forward. But that is not what happens.

Parents all too often know better and force those around them to follow. They become naggers, criticizers, and irritants in their children's lives instead of supporters, guides, and foundations. Children balk at the forced guidance and seek to find their own way as it's obvious the parents have their own agenda in mind. How right they are!

I'm saying this as I was a child who chaffed under parents who were always right and who expected to be followed even after you left home. Didn't matter if you were answering God's call. If they didn't want it, it was not accepted.

I'm saying this as I am a parent watching two teenagers pull and struggle with me as I begin the same actions as so many other parents who forced their children away. I've forgotten that they have to find their own way.

They have to experience pain and disappointment. Though I wish they could avoid it, that's unrealistic. Life is not a bed of roses. It might smell good sometimes, but there are many thorns that hurt and leave scars.

Believe it or not, your children will appreciate you more when you learn to let them make mistakes, forgive them with each action, and to not remind them of all their failures. We hated it when our parents did it. Why do we do it to our own?

Stop the crazy carousel ride! Don't repeat the same mistakes as your parents. Make all new ones. But let your children find their own way. Just be there when they need you and love them at all times.

My Own Identity Crisis

Lately I have discovered that I am struggling with an identity. Maybe it is my mid-life crisis. I’m not really sure. What I do know is that I have started to think too much of who I am and what I want to be.

As a child, I wanted to be a teacher or a postman. I think that I also wanted to be a secretary. You see, during the summer I travelled with my Dad as he worked. During his down time, I played on his typewriter (boy, does that date me) and his calculator. Over time, he showed me how to write up his expense reports for him to review. It was the summer before eighth grade. We were in Tampa, Florida when my Dad was talking about a man he had had a meeting with. He was an accountant. When my Dad described what an accountant was, I decided that was what I wanted to be. Such was the life road decided by me.

Taking accounting in high school, I thought for sure that was my calling. It was so easy. It stayed that way until my junior year in college when I discovered that I hated it but was too far into my education to change majors. I was to be an accountant.

I was an accountant for almost twenty years. About thirteen years after graduation, I volunteered to teach a Bible class. I fell in love with teaching. That was what I wanted to do.

Yet, to get an education to teach was not in the picture. I needed time and money of which none was available to me. It was just a pipedream.

Losing my accounting job gave me that opportunity. Why not go back to school? Why not get that history degree that I always wanted? I was already writing weekly on history topics. Go for it.

So, I went back to school. The first classes were great. Then I began to freak out the next term. I started telling  myself that I could not do it. I was convincing myself that I was too busy and that mentally I was not up to it. Actually, it took my husband going head to head with me to get me to complete a couple of assignments and get back into the routine.

The love of history and wanting to teach others is rising up again. Yet, I wonder if I will ever get to that point. I want to learn yet I want to begin teaching. 

What will I do? I’m going to do my teaching through my writing. I’m going to write lessons and teach that way. I’ll get there. I’ll fulfill the dream that I wanted to follow when I was a child.

Living the LIfe of Joseph

Living the life of Joseph is not easy. There are moments when things seem to be going right, and then the rug seems to be pulled out from under you. You find yourself in some sort of prison. You hope it will only last a few days. The days go into weeks. The weeks slide into months. Before you know it, you are in the same multi-year prison that Joseph had.

When do you get a break? Just when I am getting back my faith and growing closer to God again, the bottom falls out from under me. It gets frustrating. But as I feel the depression cascade in, I feel a smile at the corner of my mouth. 

When we go through the fire, we are being purified. Why? Because we are to be used for something wonderful and special. The longer we are in the fire, the more important it is for us to be pure and ready to do His bidding. Basically, He has something planned for me and it will require me to get rid of a bunch of junk and get battle ready.

Now, everything has a whole new perspective. I have to face these trials because I will need the resolve and the experience for something. He is pretty imaginative. You never know what He will do. When He gives you the orders, everything will seem so clear. It is murky now. In fact, I feel almost lost and blind. Eventually, a bright light will shine on it all and I will have a better understanding. I won’t totally understand it, but I will see how this prison I’m in fits into it all. I’ll even be thankful for it.

Growing up is never easy.