Parents want so much to point their children down the right paths and watch them take it. If they would, so much pain could be avoided. Honestly, did you follow that same path your parents tried to direct you? No! You tried to find your own path. In the end, you found the joy and the pain that came with it.
What do parents know? Nothing. That is until you get older and realize that they knew a thing or two. And yet there are many things a parent might think they know and discover that they know nothing.
What do we know of our children's future? We like to think we know it well, but we have no idea what their future holds. We only know what we have faced and the lessons we learned. That's all we have to go on. That doesn't mean that they will face the same situations. More than likely they will face new adventures that we will know nothing about. That's when we realize that our children have to find their own way.
By the time your children are teenagers, you can only pray that you have directed them correctly so far. They have to make their own decisions more than ever before. You have to trust that they will make the right decisions. Will they always? No. And that's the painful part as a parent we face knowing that they will mess up and all we can do is watch.
Many of us don't just sit and watch. We jump right in and yank them back on the right path. The result? Rebellion, resentment, and a larger gap in our relationship with our children. They don't want to be told what to do. They want to forge ahead. We see the dangers and the risks. They only see the rewards. Who's right? Both? Neither? Yes to both questions.
We see the dangers and there's nothing wrong in warning them. They see what good could come out of it and there's nothing wrong in striving for it. It's the happy median that should be found that neither party wants. The parent should give a word of advice without pushing or forcing. The child should listen with respect and decide whether to follow that advice as they go forward. But that is not what happens.
Parents all too often know better and force those around them to follow. They become naggers, criticizers, and irritants in their children's lives instead of supporters, guides, and foundations. Children balk at the forced guidance and seek to find their own way as it's obvious the parents have their own agenda in mind. How right they are!
I'm saying this as I was a child who chaffed under parents who were always right and who expected to be followed even after you left home. Didn't matter if you were answering God's call. If they didn't want it, it was not accepted.
I'm saying this as I am a parent watching two teenagers pull and struggle with me as I begin the same actions as so many other parents who forced their children away. I've forgotten that they have to find their own way.
They have to experience pain and disappointment. Though I wish they could avoid it, that's unrealistic. Life is not a bed of roses. It might smell good sometimes, but there are many thorns that hurt and leave scars.
Believe it or not, your children will appreciate you more when you learn to let them make mistakes, forgive them with each action, and to not remind them of all their failures. We hated it when our parents did it. Why do we do it to our own?
Stop the crazy carousel ride! Don't repeat the same mistakes as your parents. Make all new ones. But let your children find their own way. Just be there when they need you and love them at all times.
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