A Different Look at Things

Last night I was laying in bed reading a book. Slowly, my eyes wondered to the wall next to the bed. Cracks were running down it. Paint was peeling off. Frowning, I looked around and noticed other flaws in the room that I had either not noticed before or I had just not paid much attention to.

Slowly, a sense of dissatisfaction rose up within me. All I could see were the problems with the room. I then ventured further out to the dining room and living room. I began to see the same things. More discontent and disappointment welled up inside.

As subtlety as it all started, those feelings were gently replaced with wonder. I then began to notice again the charm of the house. Yes, there were flaws. It was old. It had not be lived in a for close to a year. But most of the flaws were fixable. We could fix those cracks in the wall and repaint. In fact, we have the paint ready to go.

Though in front of me at that moment were all the cracks and imperfections, I saw the potential. I saw the heart of the house that was just waiting to be embraced. It was up to me to bring it out.

As I climbed back into bed, I looked at my snoring husband. I had to laugh. That snore drives me crazy. From there I can easily go into the rendition of his ADD shortcomings and his fixation of sports instead of the family. I could go on and on about how he never stops talking. I could look at him as I did the house just moments before. But what good does that do me but bring deep discontent and a rift in our marriage?

I looked at him sleeping and I smiled. Yes, that snore was there, but so was he. I saw his ability to be there in my darkest moments and hold my head up. I saw his ability to talk to anyone about anything at anytime when they need someone the most. I can't do that. I saw the charm underneath the flaws.

As I closed my eyes, I only prayed he could do the same to me and see beyond the cracks to the potential just waiting below the surface.

The Importance of Quality Time

We all have busy lives. We start the day off running. Barely do we have time to take our first breath. It goes that way through the whole day into the night. As we close our eyes to the rising moon, our thoughts run wild to what is to be done the next day. The next morning, it starts all over again.

When do we have time to get to know each other? When do we notice the little things that are important? We don't until it is too late.

In our home, there are five of us who are busy all the time. Travis works at the local school as a history and English teacher. He also coaches basketball. On the side, he teaches online at a university. I go to school online full-time, work with several writing and public relation sites, and try to provide for the family. This does not include the social activities I'm involved in. Our oldest daughter is involved in sports and music. Our son is involved in all sports. Our youngest daughter is in Girl Scouts. This does not count our attendance at community events. Now, where is our quality time?

We struggle with that. We struggle with that a lot. What do we do about it? Sadly, there are too many times we do nothing. Yes, nothing until the volcano erupts. But then we find little ways to be together. It's not uncommon for my husband and I to take a drive. We live in beautiful areas where the landscape is breathtaking and the wildlife amazing. We'll take a road we have never been down before. With the children, they'll take a walk with me as I take the dog out.

What is the result of these little pieces of quality time? It helps heal rifts and seal the bonds of the family. These quality moments are very important in a family. It is during these times that we learn more about each other. We learn what is on our minds. We learn what is in our hearts.

Finding Yourself

It seems that we spend our whole lives trying to find ourselves. As young children, we struggle with discipline because we want to explore. As teenagers, we desire to know our entire future and to become adults. As young adults, we struggle with what society wants from us and the stirrings of our soul. This only increases with each decade. The closer we approach middle age, the  more we look within and try to find who we really are and not what everyone wants us to be. Toward the end of our lives, we will have come to two places. Either we gave up and followed the dictates of society and opinion, or we found ourselves and defied the world.

I am right in the middle of the approach to middle age. A few years back, I began to struggle with how everyone wanted me to be. Each person had their own opinions. Every segment of society demanded something different. I was to be the working woman who showed the men that she could do a better job than them. At the same time, I was to be the homemaker who took care of her family and put them first. I was to be the obedient daughter yet the dutiful wife. I was to follow my Lord while being directed by my elders. I was around 32 when I realized that I could not be everything that everyone wanted. I was being pulled in every direction. Where one path was opened for me, someone pulled me down a different one and another person took me to a different one. Then I was judged for not meeting all criteria and being perfect in every way.

When one struggles with their soul, they find that there is a wealth of pain that comes with it. As you question the situation you find yourself in, many turn on you and even abandon you. Pain of lost friendships or familial relationships cut deep into the heart. Doubt and anger at one's self creep in and threaten to consume you. This becomes a pivotal part of your growth. Do you give up and go back to the way things were? Or do you fight on because you know something lies in front of you that contains the happiness you long for?

I decided to fight on. The pain deepened. Separation from many loved ones occurred. Why? In one area of my life, I challenged the theory that as a woman I had to do all and be perfect at the same time. Who says I have to cook a full meal everyday? Why can't sandwiches work as I was required to work late? I was condemned for not being the happy homemaker while being praised for putting in so much time at work and achieving well with raises and promotions. If I took time to spend with the family, I was reprimanded for the job not coming first.

In another area, I challenged the authorities in my life. I was raised in the church and to follow God. Yet, whenever I felt Him guiding me in one direction, those around me criticized and derided me for those same actions. To be the obedient woman, I gave into those around me until I realized that I would not be answering to them come Judgment Day. I would be answering to God. This came to a head with our families when we were called to help strangers from another land and we were called by God to move to another location far away. At one point, I respectfully informed my parent that I was listening to my true Father and not any earthly parent. Only His direction was sure and true and if they did not like this then they were to take it up with Him. The sad part is that the bitterness was then not only directed at me but at God as well.

When I made life changes in my career, very few supported me. I was not doing the "right" thing. How correct they were! I was doing something that made me happy. Not everything in life is logical. The happiest times of our lives can be because we took the most illogical steps and found ourselves.

Have I found myself? Not completely, but I have found parts of me that God had placed in the package he called Rebecca but was buried by all around me. I'm exploring them. I'm testing the waters. I'm loving it. I'm not perfect. I'm not just a homemaker. I'm not just a career woman. I'm not just a child. I'm not just a mother. I am all of these and more but in a unique package of me.

I plan on finding more of myself and defying the world. I plan on being all that God wants me to be.

Finding Happiness

How many people spend their entire lives and never find true happiness? Probably more than we ever realized. Maybe you are one of them.

First, what is happiness? It obviously is not depression, sadness, or the desire to be somewhere else. But it can be much more than that. It is not giddiness. It is not just being happy all the time. It is being content. It is enjoying the moment.

Happiness is not always forever. There are moments of happiness that last days, weeks, or even several years. Then we begin to want more. We want something different. That is when happiness is fading and begin replaced with something else. It could be restlessness. It could be that the world around you has changed. There is nothing forever and constant in this world.

I'm finding myself at a phase of happiness right now. We just moved to South Dakota. I'm finding myself at a state of happiness that is much deeper than a smile on my face. It is reaching into the soul.

Whenever I drive down the roads that reach across the plains and into the grasslands, I can't help but feel a pull that I've never felt before. I feel for the first time in my life that I have connected to something.

I thought it wouldn't be like that. I grew up where there were trees everywhere and bluegrass. Here there are trees but most of the land is made up of amber fields of grain. But there is something that is me here.

The landscape is so unique. There are gently rolling hills that have silk waves of grass blowing over them. Then there are sharp buttes that rise up with jagged rocks. As I come over a rise, I see below me a valley where a river winds through it and trees anchored along sections of the bank drinking in the sweet liquid. All along the fields are cattle scattered around eating the sweet grass. Over another rise can be found majestic horses that make me stop and marvel at their beauty. Another field will have buffalo wandering around. Another could have deer, antelope, pheasant, hawks, and prairie dogs scampering about.

Over and over again, the same thoughts come to me about how to describe this land. To be honest, there are not enough words to express what I see and feel. But I will make a small attempt.

I see the land as being caressed by a lover. Not just a short-term lover, but the one that is for life. The gently rolling hills are the gentle caresses that are given during moments of tenderness. From the lay of the land, there was much tenderness shared here. Then there is a sharp drop in the land and a small crevice or canyon is formed. I see that as a tense time in the relationship where the love is still there, but the tenderness has stepped aside but quickly resumed as the relationship continues through more rolling hills. A flowing creek or river signals the tears shared between the lovers that are inevitable. It could be times of sadness or joy. But either one ends up with tender rolling hills around it. As I travel I see large buttes rise up from the rolling hills. They are not gradual. They are sudden and many times severe. These are the times when love is not tender. This is when the lovers pull apart and struggle to find themselves again only to find themselves as one as they resume their tenderness. Every curve and every hill gives me a new glance into this lovers relationship. A rise will reveal miles and miles or should I say years and years of love that become a plateau and then begins a trend of tenderness that becomes more volatile and passionate as time goes on. I never know what I'll find. Then there are the storm clouds gathering in the distance to intrude upon the lovers. The beauty it presents is breathtaking. The lightening storms reflect the passion in the land. The sunsets enhance the love and give the promise of another day with more to discover.

Do I love South Dakota? More than anything. I never thought I would really find a place that I felt was more home than Kentucky. But I have. Many couldn't understand what I feel, but when you are where God wants you to be, you feel something that no words could describe and no one could fully understand.

Kids Have to Find Their Own Way

Parents want so much to point their children down the right paths and watch them take it. If they would, so much pain could be avoided. Honestly, did you follow that same path your parents tried to direct you? No! You tried to find your own path. In the end, you found the joy and the pain that came with it.

What do parents know? Nothing. That is until you get older and realize that they knew a thing or two. And yet there are many things a parent might think they know and discover that they know nothing.

What do we know of our children's future? We like to think we know it well, but we have no idea what their future holds. We only know what we have faced and the lessons we learned. That's all we have to go on. That doesn't mean that they will face the same situations. More than likely they will face new adventures that we will know nothing about. That's when we realize that our children have to find their own way.

By the time your children are teenagers, you can only pray that you have directed them correctly so far. They have to make their own decisions more than ever before. You have to trust that they will make the right decisions. Will they always? No. And that's the painful part as a parent we face knowing that they will mess up and all we can do is watch.

Many of us don't just sit and watch. We jump right in and yank them back on the right path. The result? Rebellion, resentment, and a larger gap in our relationship with our children. They don't want to be told what to do. They want to forge ahead. We see the dangers and the risks. They only see the rewards. Who's right? Both? Neither? Yes to both questions.

We see the dangers and there's nothing wrong in warning them. They see what good could come out of it and there's nothing wrong in striving for it. It's the happy median that should be found that neither party wants. The parent should give a word of advice without pushing or forcing. The child should listen with respect and decide whether to follow that advice as they go forward. But that is not what happens.

Parents all too often know better and force those around them to follow. They become naggers, criticizers, and irritants in their children's lives instead of supporters, guides, and foundations. Children balk at the forced guidance and seek to find their own way as it's obvious the parents have their own agenda in mind. How right they are!

I'm saying this as I was a child who chaffed under parents who were always right and who expected to be followed even after you left home. Didn't matter if you were answering God's call. If they didn't want it, it was not accepted.

I'm saying this as I am a parent watching two teenagers pull and struggle with me as I begin the same actions as so many other parents who forced their children away. I've forgotten that they have to find their own way.

They have to experience pain and disappointment. Though I wish they could avoid it, that's unrealistic. Life is not a bed of roses. It might smell good sometimes, but there are many thorns that hurt and leave scars.

Believe it or not, your children will appreciate you more when you learn to let them make mistakes, forgive them with each action, and to not remind them of all their failures. We hated it when our parents did it. Why do we do it to our own?

Stop the crazy carousel ride! Don't repeat the same mistakes as your parents. Make all new ones. But let your children find their own way. Just be there when they need you and love them at all times.

My Own Identity Crisis

Lately I have discovered that I am struggling with an identity. Maybe it is my mid-life crisis. I’m not really sure. What I do know is that I have started to think too much of who I am and what I want to be.

As a child, I wanted to be a teacher or a postman. I think that I also wanted to be a secretary. You see, during the summer I travelled with my Dad as he worked. During his down time, I played on his typewriter (boy, does that date me) and his calculator. Over time, he showed me how to write up his expense reports for him to review. It was the summer before eighth grade. We were in Tampa, Florida when my Dad was talking about a man he had had a meeting with. He was an accountant. When my Dad described what an accountant was, I decided that was what I wanted to be. Such was the life road decided by me.

Taking accounting in high school, I thought for sure that was my calling. It was so easy. It stayed that way until my junior year in college when I discovered that I hated it but was too far into my education to change majors. I was to be an accountant.

I was an accountant for almost twenty years. About thirteen years after graduation, I volunteered to teach a Bible class. I fell in love with teaching. That was what I wanted to do.

Yet, to get an education to teach was not in the picture. I needed time and money of which none was available to me. It was just a pipedream.

Losing my accounting job gave me that opportunity. Why not go back to school? Why not get that history degree that I always wanted? I was already writing weekly on history topics. Go for it.

So, I went back to school. The first classes were great. Then I began to freak out the next term. I started telling  myself that I could not do it. I was convincing myself that I was too busy and that mentally I was not up to it. Actually, it took my husband going head to head with me to get me to complete a couple of assignments and get back into the routine.

The love of history and wanting to teach others is rising up again. Yet, I wonder if I will ever get to that point. I want to learn yet I want to begin teaching. 

What will I do? I’m going to do my teaching through my writing. I’m going to write lessons and teach that way. I’ll get there. I’ll fulfill the dream that I wanted to follow when I was a child.

Living the LIfe of Joseph

Living the life of Joseph is not easy. There are moments when things seem to be going right, and then the rug seems to be pulled out from under you. You find yourself in some sort of prison. You hope it will only last a few days. The days go into weeks. The weeks slide into months. Before you know it, you are in the same multi-year prison that Joseph had.

When do you get a break? Just when I am getting back my faith and growing closer to God again, the bottom falls out from under me. It gets frustrating. But as I feel the depression cascade in, I feel a smile at the corner of my mouth. 

When we go through the fire, we are being purified. Why? Because we are to be used for something wonderful and special. The longer we are in the fire, the more important it is for us to be pure and ready to do His bidding. Basically, He has something planned for me and it will require me to get rid of a bunch of junk and get battle ready.

Now, everything has a whole new perspective. I have to face these trials because I will need the resolve and the experience for something. He is pretty imaginative. You never know what He will do. When He gives you the orders, everything will seem so clear. It is murky now. In fact, I feel almost lost and blind. Eventually, a bright light will shine on it all and I will have a better understanding. I won’t totally understand it, but I will see how this prison I’m in fits into it all. I’ll even be thankful for it.

Growing up is never easy.