I have talked about the lessons I have been learning over the last few days. They are many and like many lessons they are painful. I’ve learned how to open doors that have been fearfully closed. I also learned when to close doors. Some are meant to be.
Because of my past with many of my “best” friends, I do not usually bring someone in to be very close. They always turn on me and the next thing I know when I need them they are talking behind my back or decide that my faults are too many. Why continue to be hurt like that?
About five years ago, I began a new job and met a girl in the department that would become the best friend I ever had. She was like the sister I never really had. We shared so much: our dreams, our past, our pain. Then one day, my heart was ripped apart. She decided that she never wanted to talk to me again. Her reasoning? There was disappointment in my voice because she had started smoking again. She tried so hard to quit and I was disappointed. I was so confused. Was I supposed to be happy? I was there for her. Sometimes it takes multiple times before someone is successful. Then more came out.
She lashed out at me and said that I had more important things in life than her and I should focus on them. I was not to call her again. What?!? I was so confused. We were soul sisters. If she really knew me, she would know that I was not like that. Her smoking was not a reason to end a friendship. If I felt that way about smoking, I would disown many friends and a few family members. I hung up the phone crying harder than I had in years. I later texted her and told her that I would abide by her wishes, but that I was still here for her.
Once I got over many of the fears of using Facebook, I decided to see if she was out there. I found her. I took a chance to request her as a friend. The pain of it all healed this past summer. But I had to offer the olive branch. Maybe she wanted to reach out but was scared or ashamed. I did it and waited a few days for her reply.
It was a denial. She refused me as a friend. A tear rolled down my cheek. This door was to be closed. I don’t know what I did. When asked she had told me that it was the disappointment in my voice that ended the friendship. I tried to mend a bridge and discovered that the gorge was now an abyss.
This was one door that needs to be closed. I still care for her. She was a wonderful friend. I wish her well in life. I wish that she has a great life. But I will move forward with fond memories and memories that teach a few lessons.
People will always let you down. I cannot put my faith in them. But I can learn from them and accept them as they are.
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