Back in the Desert

I'm back in that stinking desert again.  I'm not totally sure what set this one off, but I have been able to see several influences.

My husband and I began to have some strained times.  Not that we are on the verge of divorce, but there was no communication going on.  Other people knew more about his activities than I did.  I got very depressed.  No matter how hard I tried, we could never sit down and just talk.  The kids would interrupt.  He would be engrossed in a show.  Someone would call.  We would have to be somewhere.  This was getting to be too much.  I needed my husband back.

Comments by others were getting to me.  People in church were complaining about being there all the time.  Things were not on the right nights.  Too much of this and too little of that.  I began to feel that I had failed and was making everyone miserable.

Okay, I have to admit that part of it is hormones.  But everyone around me was pulling me and pressing me down all at the same time.  I had so many people around me talking out of both sides of their mouths.  I had people demanding so much and expecting me to give it right then and there. 

I needed to get away from people and regroup.  I needed to find a refuge and some peace.  I couldn't find it at all.  I couldn't pray.  I couldn't read my Bible.  I was totally empty.  I felt that He had abandoned me.  Everything was hitting me from every angle.  Every good thing came with twenty bad things.  I could not take it anymore.

I have to say that this time I am coming out of it faster.  I'm not out of it yet, but I'm in view of the promised land.  I just have some old baggage to get rid of before crossing the Jordan.

Thank you, God, for you patience and understanding.  I don't deserve it.